You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
