He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
