pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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