The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think my moral compass just broke
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