So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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