no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
