just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
