I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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