considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
