ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
