dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
