I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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