There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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