U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
