The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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