How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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