I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
