Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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