i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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