2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
