Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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