bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
