Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
