This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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