he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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