areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
