for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
