Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
where are my eyebrows?
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