we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
