I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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