One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
