Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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