I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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