some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
