Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
