could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
