i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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