I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
