I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So squirting runs in the family.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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