dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
