I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You made out with two different species that night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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