i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
