I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
