I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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