If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
