The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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