By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
