Can i not drive my cunt home
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
