Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
