I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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