I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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