u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
