Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
