Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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