I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
