she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
