We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
