So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
