The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
